A whole new perspective

Almost two years ago, around Christmas, my brother had a bright idea. He decided to get his bike out on the ice and run over soda cans. It obviously ended really badly, which usually happens when my brother get these bright ideas. I remember hearing a scream and I ran outside to go get him. He fell and landed right on his elbow. At first we thought he'd be fine with a little ice and TLC, but finally we took him to the walk in clinic. It turned out my brother broke his elbow in two, and needed surgery. Everyone knows i'm extremely close to my brother so of course, I was all about being there and all of that. 

We waited for hours and hours it seemed like for Marcus to get in and out of surgery, it ended up being really really late and Marcus was still foggy from the amnesia. The doctor really wanted to hold him over night so they put him in the pediatrics floor. I stayed over with my brother while Mom went to get food and stuff out of her car and all of that. Since he was on the pediatrics floor there were tons of really sick little kids everywhere. There was one little boy who stayed in the room right next to Marcus, he was in the hall outside their rooms playing with a puzzle. I walked out there sat down next to him and asked if I could join. He was so overjoyed. He started telling me about his family and his mom and dad. He just described everything so happy, it makes me so angry that families like that, and such sweet amazing little boys like him have to deal with things so terrible like the sickness of cancer. 

He just looked so fragile and there was just no other way to explain it, bald, cute as a button, and fragile. He told me like it was no big deal that he was dying, but he didn't seem to mind. He said that he gets to look over his mom and dad, he was just so amazing. Then he started talking about his favorite foods and about the puzzle. All I could do is look at him, he can go about his day happy and so strong on the inside yet some of us crawl to get through the day when we have so much. We talked and played for maybe a half hour until mom came back and that half hour is one I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. All I can say, is I hope that little boy kicked cancers ass! . 

Robin's obsession

Robin fell in love with me Sophomore year, I know this because every time I talked to him he would run up and attack. I can't say I blame him, but the last few years I've had to put him in his place. One time in math class, I was sitting in my usual spot in the front of class because I was the good student and Robin came in so excited to see me that I had to barricade myself with chairs to keep him away from me.
This really isn't expected from Robin, but Mrs. White would back me up on this. Robin started to get obsessed, he'd write me love letters, tried to do my homework which I gave in because I mean hey, and he followed me to every class. One time Zara told Robin he was going too far. Let me tell you the story when Robin crossed the line. We were all studying for finals last year, and Robin came into my class room and tried to distract me. I told him I need to focus, and he used the excuse for me to tutor him. Of course since i'm so nice I agreed, but then he started telling me he was in love with me and he wanted to get married and all this weird stuff! so I jumped in a box and he tried jumping in a box too!

I look happy about this, but trust me I wasn't! I said Robin, I only think of you as a friend you have to get over me! He told me that he just can't let go. German was extremely awkward, we had to pretend like none of this was actually happening, but Mr. Shramke started to catch on and asked questions. Robin would just cross lines trying to flirt with me! Robin is a little flirt, this is the real Robin!
I had to sing him the song "Why You so Obsessed With Me" by beyonce. He even told me he has a shrine of me in his closet with some of these pictures.

I'm Robin's obsession! Now all these things are true he's going to try to tell you I did these things, but he is a liar! On  a good note, Robin is probably one of the coolest guys I know. You really couldn't ask for a better guy, he's quirky, smart, funny, and a little awkward. He's also the most understanding and non-judgemental person I know, he has such a big personality and a even bigger heart. I do love Robin even though he's a psycho!!

The Life of the Third Wheel

Imagine coming home from a long day, you're tired, have a head ache, you're caught up on all your work and all you want to do is come home and relax. We all have those days, but imagine trying to do that while Natalie Gray and Dylan Soper come running up the stairs either fighting, just being weird, wrestling, or any other "couple" things they do. This isn't even the beginning of the "story of my life."

This is to be expected by couples, especially when I want to say the common thing "get a room," but I can't because that room would be my room. When I moved in with Natalie and was finally settled in a week or so later, Dylan was over. We were all up in our room, Dylan, Natalie, the A few family members that came in and out and of course me. Natalie and Dylan were wrestling, and I'm not talking about that cute, flirtatious kind of wrestling. No, I'm talking full out wrestling I thought about yelling and breaking it up a couple times, but then I started to think what if this is something they just do a lot. So I just turned up the T.V and ignored them, next thing I know they went flying on the bed and landed right on top of me! Dylan ended up kicking me right in the face, his bare foot touched my mouth and if anyone knows me they know that feet gross me out more then anything. Anyways, the whole situation escalated quickly and that was my first experience bad as the third wheel.  

Don't worry I have so many more stories! Let me tell you about the weirdest one, you're going to have prepare yourself to be completely honest. Dylan's true colors are about to show and let me tell you he is quite the character. Recently, I got home from school earlier then everyone else. I go into my sweat pants, and set my belt down next to me. Dylan later came up the stairs referring to himself as "daddy" in an accent. I tried to not let this phase me considering this is actually normal for Dylan, he then took MY belt away from me and started whipping Natalie with it. Oh god, I was horrified. I just walked away from that mess.

My favorite times are when Natalie and Dylan are fighting, I walk in the room to ask Natalie a question  and I get "shut up Cassie!" "Don't talk to me!" or I get out of the car and because Dylan is mad he yells at me for using the wrong door.. That's awesome! Sometimes I go downstairs to give them space and cook something to eat, those vultures smell it as soon as it's done come down to "try" it and by the time their gone, I have no food left. I don't catch a break, being the third wheel is a constant job. Apparently they don't think i'm very good at the job because they always are trying to "hook me up" with the weirdest people, people I have absolutely nothing in common with. Sometimes they don't even want to go out in public with me if I don't have a date to bring.. That's why I now have Robin Doyle who is going to go on dates with me because he's my bff! Robin,

OH, and by the way I never get shot gun Dylan always does. 

All of this being said I wouldn't want to third wheel with anybody else, they've become my very best friends, clearly I can be as weird as I want around them, and I can tell them anything. You just have to look past everything else. 

  

And since of course I asked them if I could write this first, the diva's wanted to choose what picture to go on here..

A Fresh Start

Lily Briggs best friend in elementary school!

McKenzie my cousin I haven't seen in 4 years

Today I was presented with my scholarship at Thomas College, and as I mentioned in my other post I was really nervous. Walking in front a bunch of people I don't know and being called out is so not my thing. But my nerves were instantly relieved when I saw my long lost best friend from elementary school, and shortly after my cousin I haven't seen in years! Lily, is going into the same major as me and Kenz is going for business. Not only did I have my girls there with me, but I meet some amazing people! 

I met a boy named Caleb, who's family is going to Italy next summer, so basically I plan to get him to fall hopelessly in love with me so he has no other choice then to bring me with him. I love the whole atmosphere of Thomas, it's a close knit school with so much to offer. I swear it's made for me. Given the last couple of years I really need a new start, and i'm so glad to be given that chance at a place I already love so much.

I could go on and on, I can hear Zara, "you don't even go there." quoting mean girls, with a little word switch up. But if I like it this much now, I can't wait to find out how much I'll love it starting in the fall. I'm majoring Psychology with a minor in art therapy, of course have to have that art in there somewhere. I learned today they have art programs and clubs so I can keep up with it, not to be conceded or self centered but I can actually say I deserve this. I deserve this as much as I need this and I couldn't be more excited. 

My brother is so proud.

"bad a*s picture, for your bad a*s blog." words of wisdom from Marcus Reed. 

The best version of myself

What most people would be looking forward to, I'm dreading. Tomorrow I am going face to face with my future and that's not even the part that gets me. Thomas College is going to call my name first and last, and award me with a 7,500 dollar scholarship. The importance is unreal to me and in such a meaningful moment a name is going to be used to remind me of all my "I cant's." Reed, this last name no longer belongs to me, it is owned by the man who destroyed my memories, my childhood, and the last year of my life. My dad.

My father has never been a strong man, he's never been able to hold his own. Every since I was a child I always thought he needed saving I wanted to help him in anyway I could, he's my dad. Don't get me wrong he's a great man, he always means well and love with all his heart even if he can't bring himself to always show it. This being said he is easily manipulated, always lonely, and pushes away who he loves most.

I've always been my dad's "Cassie Bear." My parents split up when I was young, my dad only came around when it was Christmas for most of my childhood. At the age of 8 I was the most understanding kid ever. I lived in the Bangor apartments, which if anyone knows they aren't exactly considered "classy." My mom, being the strongest woman I know, worked two jobs in the medical field to make ends meet while I babysat my little brother, Marcus. Of course the couple upstairs did the occasional check up, but I knew what my mom had to do and I loved her for it. I was explained the basics of why dad didn't come around, why mom was always gone at work and I understood. I knew that if there was one thing I felt I needed to do was have my brother never feel what it's like to be alone. 

When Christmas finally came around, my dad did too. Marcus would jump for joy at his feet and I'd wait my turn patiently. he'd scoop Marc up, then come over and hug me. I remember one year he kneeled down with something behind his back and said, "I have something for you, Cassie Bear." It was the first gift he ever gave me, Barbie and The Nutcracker.

As we got older, dad refilled drinks and changed wives like his underwear. Finally I decided, after getting bullied at school, I was going to move in with him. He needed me as much as I needed a Dad. My Dad became my best friend second to my brother. Things started out great, even with his new wife. I thought things were finally turning around. I was wrong, sometimes I wonder if people could see the fear in my eyes, if someday someone would lift up my shirt and see the bruises on my stomach from pinches because she thought I looked too fat that day. I wondered what would happen if one day a teacher asked me about life what it would be like to break down and cry and tell everything. Is it a reasonable excuse not to have your homework done because you had to clean the whole house and when you missed something you were pushed down the stair and told to sit in the dryer until you understand? How do you make yourself even fit.. I blame my dad for not being my defender, I blame myself for my bad choices. 

After Taylor passed away, something inside of my woke up one morning and said I can't do it anymore. Through all this I never said a word to my mom, I was scared to get the I told you so, but finally I went to school and called her. I told her everything and cried. That night I escaped to a friends house, and haven't looked back. I miss my Dad everyday, I miss his lame giggles, his jokes, his songs, and his nicknames, if I could just get him back without all the bad that comes with it I would. 

This year I've been homeless twice, I've been dumped, I've lost a friend, and a family. This year I've gained the best support system of my life, some of the best friends, the most amazing people, great grades, acceptance to college, and a future. I've stayed positive, and tomorrow when I accept my scholarship I will be prideful, not as a Reed, but as me.

       

The Bigger Picture

 "Mean Girls" says it all, High School is a place where some it comes naturally and to others it's like survival of the fittest. It's no secret that there are some that are higher on the totem pole than others, there are clicks, gossip, rumors. It's life amplified in our own teenage world, but there are so many good things too. High School is full of opportunities, friends, and the ability to learn from our mistakes. The struggles of a typical teenager, or the expectations we put on each other can be released into something amazing, whether it be a talent, sport, or art. Something to be created by only the mind set we have, if you ask me teenagers get a bad "rep." We're sassy, moody, lazy, and a little out of control, but we have it in us to take all of those things and turn into something.

Art is my escape and my freedom, I have a blank canvas where I can do and create anything I want. It's where I can mean something, I can make mistakes and fix them without judgement of others. I am beyond high school, or just a teenager. We all have something outside of the standard. We get up in the morning, get ready for school, dress to impress (most of us), come to school and go straight to our group of friends and go about our norm. Outside of that we have the dedicated artist, the top athlete, the talented singer, or the study worm all with one purpose; to aspire to be something bigger. We all have something in common, a steady focus, we are all beyond high school. Even though we continue to go about our day by day, and we'll probably never break our habits there is always the bigger picture.